Balance of Adventures

Trust your Instruments

I can't remember where I originally heart it, but there is a common adage in flying that came to mind this week: Trust your Instruments. Apparently there is a phenomenon that pilots sometimes experience where their body tells them something that is contrary to the actual physical state in the air. The original story I heard was something like it being common for new pilots to fly into fog and start making minor adjustments here and there then somehow come out to clear sky but they are upside down. There are instruments in planes that will tell you your orientation to the horizon, so this really shouldn't happen. But people get disoriented in the air and if they don't trust what the instruments are telling them, they can get in serious trouble.

The last month has been quite the whirlwind. With travel, us all getting sick, the first week of school, and a slew of other things going on, I have been feeling very off. More than just a normal disruption of routine, this has been feeling like I was dislodged from an old life, like being a bit adrift. It has been very unsettling the past couple of weeks, but I am hoping once the school routine normalizes and this cough is finally gone I will return to my baseline.

The first race of the USATF SD Dirt Dog Series was this weekend. With the fitness I developed through the Road Series, I was hoping to roll right into Dirt Dog and attack some of the local races I have done in the past. However, we brought home a nasty cold from traveling a couple of weeks back and I had been feeling terrible. With everything else piled on, I was not really looking forward to the first race anymore because I knew I would not be firing on all cylinders. But I am glad that I stuck with my normal pre-race routine and trusted the process.

Each day this week I was feeling better, although the congestion and malaise was hanging tough. Nonetheless, I got out and did my race-week rest/stimulation runs. The numbers looked good despite the runs not feeling all that great and I tried to remind myself that you never really feel great when you are resting anyway. By race morning, I felt ok...still a bit groggy and coughing some, but not terrible. So I figured I would give it a go.

I felt lethargic warming up as well, but sometimes that is the case before a race whether you are sick or not. So I did exactly what I usually do and tried to get everything revved up, warm and loose. It was good to see some friends at the start as well and the atmosphere of Dirt Dog is so positive I wasn't really worried about performance. I knew there would not be an PRs or anything so I planned on just staying within myself and seeing how things went.

I went out much more gentle than my usual start and just stuck behind the leading guys to get up to speed. The first mile felt pretty good, with a group of three (Okwaro Raura, Chuck McKeown, and Glen Racz) slowly pulling out a bit of time but not too much. There are some small rolling hills at the Wild Duck CC race and I definitely did not have my usual pop up over those. The leaders would get five seconds or so on each hill, but I was not blowing up which seemed good. Even two miles in I still was within 20 seconds of the lead three, which felt good given I know I can only run with them when I am on a really good day. The third mile I could not hold on to the top end effort and the short hill part way through really slowed me down. But I have a lot of practice monitoring whether I am blowing the limit and I stayed within myself to finish out fairly even on pace.

Given how terrible I was feeling the weeks leading up, I am very happy with the result. I went a bit faster than last year and the numbers all looked good considering. This is all very promising and I feel renewed motivation to dial things in for the series. It is good to have the computer onboard while racing to get immediate feedback on HR zone thresholds and pace, and to get the data after to confirm where things were optimal or could be improved on. And in a lot of races, it is essential for pacing to stay at the exact effort level your blood numbers can tolerate. But both in running and outside it, there are other measures that are critical too.

In running, and other physical activities, perceived effort is sometimes just as important as percentage of numerical maximums or thresholds. Sometimes, perceived effort can tell you important things about other factors effecting performance: exhaustion reservoir, relative nutritional optimization, efficacy of rest benefits, etc. The hard part is that perceived effort can also deceive you. All swimmers know that you can have workouts that feel awful but where you are performing as well if not better than when things seem smooth and easy. It is a cruel trick.

Like flying, those times when performance is equivalent or better but feels awful by comparison, you have to trust your instruments. Because your body is lying to you, you have to trust what the numbers are saying. However, there are things your body does tell you from time to time that you have to listen to, and aren't the product of some disorientation. So, I like the adage Trust your Instruments, outside the flight context, maybe can be stretched a bit.

I certainly have strategies I employ to monitor my baseline in training but also in life, and they are definitely subjective rather than mechanical. I am sure we all do...when things are not right, you just know. There are some obvious indicators, but sometimes things are just off and there is nothing you can identify specifically, but you still know. Other times, lots of things are off and it is hard to tie any specific one to things that are going wrong.

I strive to be as healthy as I can and take care of myself to keep my spirits up. And in the past few years, I think I have found a good baseline. But the last couple of weeks, I have felt dislodged. There is no compass for this kind of thing, but I am hopeful the baseline I set will return things to normal if I stick to the things that have worked. It is hard to be motivated to do the things you need to when the swirl of goings on drag you hard against your anchor rode. Especially when the things that usually work seem to not do the trick. But time with my family fills me back up. And showing up even when things are not optimal to support the goals I set for myself will hopefully continue to flush the engine room.

A Season

When I started up with this blog again, it was because I wanted to keep centered with any investments I was making in my athletic aspirations. I have definitely found that it is helpful, but I think I may be in a very different place in my relationship with athletics than I have been before. As I have talked about, I worry about being over-invested in any big goals because I don't want any goals to take away from time with family. But I think I also was too hard on myself in the past when I was racing full time, and that made me overly fearful of losing perspective. When I was racing, it was a much bigger part of my life. And because of that, I think I lived and died with my progress and performance to a much greater degree. Now, because it is a hobby, and I have lots of other stuff in my life that is more important, I don't feel all that worried about everything going perfectly. Interestingly, this may be helping with my performance.

I really got the bug again while racing Dirt Dog last year. I had some good results and thought with more consistent, targeted and efficient training I could put up some good numbers again. Those tweaks really paid off, and with a PR in the 5k at Carlsbad 5000 and a strong run at the Kook, I was feeling very good about my fitness. One of the lofty goals I had in the back of my head was to take a shot at the USATF LDR Road Series for San Diego. I knew I couldn't do the whole series, but only three races score and I had a first and a second at the 5000 and Kook respectively in my age group. I set about refining and squeezing the most out of my regular weekly routine for a couple of months to target the Scripps Ranch Old Pros 10K on the 4th of July. This was the last race of the series, and with a flatter course I knew I might be able to hang with some of the faster masters runners if I had a stellar day.

Training went smoothly leading up to the race and my legs were feeling good the whole week before. My father-in-law tagged along race morning which was a huge help to have someone at the ready with water and fuel to get topped off before the race. This event was much bigger than I realized with a few thousand toeing the line, and a lot of really fast runners. This is always good because the more people you have to draft off of or chase, the easier it is to keep motivated when it gets tough.

I did not set any time goals for the race. I knew that the series rankings really only depended on how I stacked up against the other leaders Chuck McKeown and Yari Fontebasso. I found them at the front of the starting group and slotted in. All the PRT team members are super friendly and I have had a great time chasing them in these events the past year. Chuck gave some words of encouragement in his usual ultra-positive spirit. I know, on a good day, I cannot beat Chuck or Yari in a head to head 10K and I would have to conserve energy and they would have to have off days for me to beat them...so that was the plan.

When the gun went off there was a wave of fast men immediately well ahead. Many of them would run well faster than me so I just focused on staying within myself and keeping an eye on the PRT men. After about a half mile, things shook out a bit and I slotted in behind a group that was running just under 5:30 pace because I knew, based on training numbers, that would be the absolute maximum average I could pull off. I could see Chuck just tagging onto the group ahead of us...less than 30 seconds ahead, so still in reach. We clipped through mile two in 5:22 which was probably outside my threshold, but overall I felt like I was hanging on.

In mile 3, things started to change. It was overcast, but warm and humid, and I was already feeling pretty hot. I think others were too and some people began to fade while others were able to keep on with the pace. Through mile 3, Chuck started to fade and later he told me that he had not been feeling well lately. By mile 4 I had passed him and had a sizeable gap. However, somewhere in mile 4, my lack of base started to catch up with me. The 10K is a very hard distance. It is just too long to hammer unless you have regular 50 to 60 mile weeks under your belt. I am not able to get those kinds of miles in, and in mile 4 is where that reality hit. I really started to feel the effort, and my heart rate was pinned to the ceiling. I did my best to focus on trailing along behind the people that I had been pacing off of up to that point. However, most of them slowly started pulling away.

The Old Pros course winds around Lake Miramar and is a beautiful course skirting the water almost the whole way. The bends around the inlets also provide a good vantage for checking where others are at. Around mile 5 I glanced over and it looked like I still had about 30 seconds on Chuck which provided some motivation to just hang on at my limit as long as possible. Mile 5 was a 5:51 and I was on my limit the whole way. The last mile or so comes off the lake and heads down through the neighborhoods to a small park nearby. The downhill lets some of the effort off, but the effort had weighed my legs down and I was not able to let my legs open up to gravity. I was really just hanging on. Chuck and Yari got a lot of time on me in the last mile and a half but somehow I held them off...Yari finishing only 3 seconds behind me and Chuck just another 5.

It was a great result. Despite struggling the last 2 miles and change, the overall average was down to 5:36 per mile. This is a big improvement on the numbers I have put up since I started training again. With the win in my age group (Masters 40-45) it also meant that Chuck and I were tied for the win in the Road Series. Maybe it was the full Chemex I had with breakfast, but I was so amped. I put in a lot of hard work in the last year and it is very exciting to see the results.

I had a nice cool down and headed out quickly, because I was catching a flight later in the day to Northern California. My family had left the day before and I couldn't wait to catch up with them. I grew up in the east Bay Area and my sister was out from the east coast with her family as well. It is rare that we all get to spend time together and I was really looking forward to it. We had a very fun weekend. The temperature was in the 100s almost every day, but we ran around in the sprinklers to stay cool and spent time in air conditioned spaces.

Outside performance, there are several adventures that I constantly crave. Charging up mountains is the main one. Whenever I am back home, Mount Diablo is the destination that calls me. I had been hoping my legs would recover from the 10K and there would be time and weather allowing a traverse up to the summit. On Sunday, I got up at 4:30 a.m. and stuffed down some breakfast and coffee to get ahead of the heat.

The route to the summit is almost a straight shot up a steep valley flanked by windswept sandstone and overhanging with oak trees to the base of the mountain. Then it starts to rise on Barbeque Terrace gaining nearly 4,000 feet in a couple of miles. It was already in the 70s before 6:00 a.m. and dry and I went through almost 2 liters of water by the time I got to the summit.

It was a beautiful morning, and the early start allowed me to stay in the shade of the mountain the whole way up. My legs felt great and it was exhilarating to scale the mountain feeling powerful, then to rest comfortable at the summit to look down over most of sleepy northern California. Like a raptor slinging to aloft off of a friendly thermal.

Two great days of running in a week and I definitely needed some rest. But I have finally established the base for some goals I am excited about. Nothing I am doing is groundbreaking, and of course I will not ever be as strong as I once was. But I am having fun. And I think having the hobby to work on and foals to look forward to has been keeping me healthy, energetic and balanced. This has been the real goal and I hope I can keep it up.

A Tough Week but a PR

There are a lot of things that I have accomplished by acknowledging that my body or my mind were at their limit, but telling myself to just do the best I could anyway. This week was a good example of that phenomenon.

I put in some really good, consistent training in the last month, with some sessions well better than I have performed in years. I was definitely tired but still making gains and hitting my targets in each session. Given how well the Kook went, I was really looking forward to putting the progress to the test at our local race, T he Carlsbad 5000. But two weeks ago, on my last long run before the race, I got an awful flare-up pain in the outside of my left knee. It was a very odd pain that felt like it was right under the skin about an inch and a half above the joint and did not seem to be connected to any muscle tightness. I had to stop and walk a couple of times that day because I would be running fine, then all of a sudden it would feel like someone was stabbing me in the side of the knee.

I did some soft tissue work on my calf and hamstring that night and it completely went away by the next day. Then again, last Sunday it roared back with a vengeance and I had to limp home. With a week to go and having worked through it before I was not worried, but this time it lingered. One day I wouldn't feel a thing, then the next I would suddenly get the stabbing out of no where. I did not know what to think, but I was very dejected because I knew I was fit and could put in a good 5k given the chance. I stuck to my race week routine as best I could and worked every leg muscle I could find that felt even slightly abnormal with every trick I knew.

By race eve, it was still tight and I really was not sure if I was going to be able to run. But I decided I would stick to the routine and if pre-race warmups indicated I should wave-off I would just go to swim practice instead.

Flame woke me up early, about 4:00 a.m. the next morning so I got my headphones on and turned up Jazz 88 for some good feels. Flame and I rolled around on the living room floor for about an hour with the foam rollers and through a progression of mobility yoga to make sure everything was as warm and loose as possible. My leg felt a bit tight, but ok so I loaded up the car and headed out to the race. I stuck to my normal warm-up routine but broke it up, only running a mile at a time and did lots of stretching and openers. It hurt a bit but I just walked when I needed and let it calm down. Sprints felt ok, so I knew I would at least tow the line and hope the Sermon rocket fuel would carry me through.

The start line was jammed and everyone was amped to the teeth which was really electric. The Carlsbad 5000 is such a cool event and all the participants and crowd really make it exhilarating. My race plan was to hit the gas and shoot for 5:20 pace the first mile (assuming no excess of 178 BPM) then just try to hold on. When the gun went off there were a lot of people surging the line and I blasted the first 100m to get free and with the lead men. At a quarter mile I was in about 5th and I knew at least a couple of the guys in the field that should be ahead of me. I could not see Chuck McKeown, the rockstar Masters runner from PRT, so I knew I was a bit over-paced so I let the legs run out a bit to see how things were shaking out.

A few guys went by before Mile 1, including Chuck, and some of them were familiar from other events. I was happy to be feeling pretty good and be close to this group around Mile 1, which I went through at 5:04. I saw the time and checked my watch, but I was still right in my zone so I started focusing on who to hang with. One or two guys passed me that had slowly pulled away at the Kook and I decided to go with them. One was on a really good pace and I stuck to his ocean-side shoulder like glue all the way to the turn around which gave me a good draft and a sustainable pace. We hit the turn-around and Chuck and the others were still within 100m or so which was great motivation. I have never been able to hang with these guys and my numbers were holding steady.

We knocked through Mile 2 in 10:25, so 5:13 for the second mile which is very fast for me. The new course adds a slight rise for about a quarter mile or so right after you pass Mile 2. It is a very familiar road and once you are in the last mile of a 5k, you are close enough that you can just hang on to finish usually. Usually I base riser pace off HR to avoid blowing up, but I was in good position so I put my head down and focused on Chuck just up the road, trying to match pace. It was brutal but after the hill rolled off, my legs started to turn over again and visually it looked like some of the others were starting to come back to me. I pushed and kept moving up. I caught Chuck with about half a mile to go and put the gas pedal down because I know how strong he and the other guys around me were.

I was able to slowly accelerate all the way to the line and came through at 16:24. A 5k PR!

I was destroyed...but very happy with the result. Once I could get up off the ground, I got moving, grabbed some water and got back to my car to get warm cloths on to keep my muscles from tensing up. Warming down was a bit painful, and my knee felt like it might seize a couple of times, but I walked and stretched as much as needed and it was ok.

I am very glad I towed the line and it is really fun to see the results of all the consistent work. The anticipatory dejection I was shouldering all week was not fun, but things turned out well in the end. A lot of things have gone that way and every time they do I am glad that I did my best despite my mind howling "WHATS EVEN THE POINT!"

I am going to take it very easy for at least a week and make sure the leg thing is fully rested and recovered because I have nothing in the queue just yet. But I am definitely encouraged by the result and more excited than ever to be setting goals.

A Good One

I did the Cardiff Kook Run on February 11th and actually had a good run and was happy with it! I was unsure what to expect and what to plan for because of the ankle sprain. However, it did not seem to hold me back during the event and I definitely got some improvement out of the work I did in December before the sprain, as well as the 10 days of regular-ish training I got in after the sprain in late January and early February. I actually had some of the best workouts I have done since I started working out again in that period and I was feeling hopeful going into the Kook.

I followed my regular pre-event routine the week leading up to the Kook and 90% of the tenderness that was left in my ankle had subsided by day of. There seems to be a bit of tightness in the tendons or muscles in the front/side of my lower leg still. These will fire sometimes, usually when I am going downhill, and only until my legs get warmed up. I felt a few twinges during my warm-up for the Kook as well but they subsided after I did some uphill strides. The air also warmed up a bit just before the event which I was thankful for because the overnight low was in the forties and that can cause things like this to tighten up quickly. I kept moving and did short strides right up to the start to make sure everything stayed loose.

There was a pretty good showing for the Kook, but somehow most of the good masters and club runners managed to get into the pro wave so the starting line was devoid of familiar faces. There were plenty of young fast guys though. When the gun went off, about four guys got a gap in the first half mile or so and really just went away after that. But there were a string of runners spaced out behind them that I was able to tuck in with for the first two and a half miles or so that really helped keep things rolling. The air had also dried out quite a bit and I took sips of water at both mile 2 and mile 4 because my mouth had dried out.

The Kook had a course change this year, which I actually liked. The course was straight out and back with no laps. It was nice not to have to do all the 180s and mix in with a bunch of other runners on the second lap. However, this also meant that it went all the way down to the beach from Encinitas, so mile 4 climbed from Cardiff back up to Swamis. It is not a huge hill, but the fifth mile in a 10k is tough enough already.

Thankfully I had just been passed so I had someone just ahead to focus on chasing which helped. I think I have also gotten a really good hold on perceived effort so I can usually hit hills from a flat and not blow my stack because I can mentally titrate my threshold. I rolled over the hill at Swamis and the splits indicate that I picked back up to a great speed for the last mile to finish strong.

My time was 35:07 which is a post law school PR for me, and twenty seconds faster than the Turkey Trot from last November (on a hillier course). This is a great result, and it is one of the few times that I have been pleased with the result after the fact. Its no world record, but it reflects improvement from the hard work I have put in. It is also within striking distance of some of my times from my previous life which is very exciting!

I was second overall in the 40-45 division, which scores 90 points in the USATF SD road series and puts me in second so far. I was already planning on doing the Carlsbad 5000 in April which is also part of the series, but now I am definitely more excited to see if the progress at 10k will translate to a good 5k there. The focus will be on rest this week, then a bit of volume and a funnel down to target speed work before Carlsbad.

Afterward, I smashed a breakfast burrito like it was the olden days and we took the train to see Bluey's Big Play at the Balboa theatre. What a day!

Purpose & Process

One mental knee-jerk I know lots of athletes hear in their heads from time to time is: "Whats the point?!" When a race goes poorly after tons of preparation, or nothing is clicking in training for months on end, or if it just has not seemed "fun" for longer than you can remember. I certainly heard that familiar exasperation two weeks ago when I wrenched my ankle. I had been putting in good work and thought in the moment it was all down the drain.

Setting aside the obvious catastrophizing of setbacks and non-perfects that this lash out often represents—its a valid question. What is the point? For great elite athletes, a class I never achieved, the point is partly that it is your profession. Like any other job or career the work either earns or invests in payoffs that are your livelihood. Most athletes though really enjoy their sport. Some people don't enjoy physical exertion but most at least enjoy being outdoors, a good workout, or the satisfaction of accomplishing something. Many of us, elite or amateur, also have some kind of goal that we are working towards and that provides motivation and excitement about the process.

For me, "what's the point" usually visits when something happens that feels like it has snatched away the goal I have in my head or made it feel unattainable. So when I wrenched my ankle, "whats the point" was both asking about the work I had put in but also the goals I had set for myself. For example, "whats the point" of shooting for a good result at events this year if it can just be snatched away in an instant? When I was younger, I think this reaction jerked more often when I had bigger athletic goals and even smaller disappointments like a bad workout might have me frustrated and questioning my choices. But I have also always had another thread raising the issue of purpose separate from achievement.

I have been consuming a lot of war poetry lately (which likely holds a tie for my favorite genre with natural observation of spirits like Mary Oliver). Classics spinning hyperbolic frenzy around the thirst for battle and glory, contemporaries zooming in to inject the visceral reality into your veins or hold the space to recognize the valor but acknowledge the folly. I have a line of warriors in my family, but it was never my calling. I do, however, feel some constant tug towards contributions to a greater good. So my mind also questions often whether I am serving a higher purpose . . . making the world a better place than I found it. I rarely felt I was with athletics. However, later on in my racing career I did feel like I was helping other achieve goals from time to time which was gratifying. But it was hard to justify the pursuit internally because I knew it was not going to change much in the world for the better.

So training still has this stigma, as it were, in my head. It is self-indulgent to some extent. When I was younger I had a lot more trouble giving myself permission to do things I enjoyed. But that has changed a lot over the years. I feel less now that I have to justify the things I like doing and allow myself to enjoy them more. With how busy life has been over the past eight or so years, this has been key. It is good to have a hobby with daily, weekly, and monthly goals and processes. It gives me things to look forward to and something to focus on if I need respite from other things. Additionally, in the long term, I really want to remain as healthy as possible for as long as possible because I so look forward to the future my family is building.

My foot is healing up much better than I expected. But in the past two weeks I found that the habits I have developed over the past couple of years of exercising regularly really helped get me over the dejection. Usually something like the sprain would have had me out moping and not doing anything for weeks. But this time I stuck to the icing and elevation, and set up my stationary bike so I could at least keep up my normal schedule of activity. I told myself that I would let the February and April events go if I was not healed up, and I still will. But I kept up the work with what I could do on the stationary and at the end of this week got a couple of runs in that showed promise that my aerobic numbers have not dropped off too much.

So maybe I can shoot for my original December goals in the next couple of months or maybe not. But I enjoyed the challenge of finding different ways to maintain what I had built up, and I really enjoyed being able to get some hard aerobic work in on the bike. The affirmation though is that I have established a life and a routine that I enjoy. The process being something that means as much to me as any accomplishment at this stage in my life. I may not be doing something monumental or legendary but it is good to me so maybe that is enough.

Plans & Goals

I started up writing again in part because the progress I had made brought me to a place where my brain was thinking of glory again. What kind of glory? Who knows. From a young age my athletic drive was pushed along by some deep seeded drive to be the best. The best at what? All sorts of things. Racing professionally for an number of years really put that in check. I was a very good athlete, which got me in the race. But when you race with the best it becomes very clear how far they sit above the rest. Even at my peak, I was still getting crushed by the top women and the lead men were half an hour ahead at the big events. In some ways this was really good for me because I was able to let go of the fantasy of being the best. I got to see how good I could be and learned that I was not world class.

Despite perspective, the drive never really died. With some of the good runs I had in the fall of 2023, something in me was again seeking. Seeking to break through, break free, break away from the rest. I don't really know what I want to accomplish, who I want to beat, or where I am trying to get to. But the drive is there.

This year has gotten off to a rough start. There has been a lot change going on at work and a continuing frenzy of busy life activity. I put in a lot of good training in during December to build on the racing fitness from cross-country season. That work put me in a great spot to attack some spring events. I had already registered for the The Kook Run and the Carlsbad 5000. I was really looking forward to these events and in my mind's idle time I was thinking about ways to improve on my performances from last year. Thinking about what I might be able to pull off. Daydreaming about times and clicking off miles at powerful paces. I even started thinking about the USATF SD Road Series, which these events are part of, and looking up past results to see how I might rank. And maybe those mental musings are tied to the subconscious drive that seeks glory in some way. But analysis aside, I was excited.

I went out for my long Sunday run which is my favorite activity of the week by far on January 6th and was feeling good. Then, in a moment I came crashing down. I stepped off the curb at a bit of an angle to start crossing the street and must have stepped on a wet uneven patch or something. Immediately I felt my left ankle wrench violently, yanked back under my leg as my weight shifted over the top of it and to the ground. I fell and the searing pain of the ankle being heavily torqued and I grabbed my leg to prevent anything from hitting it. I crawled out of the street and sat on the curb for some time. It has been quite a while since I had a bad sprain, and this one was almost as bad as any I had felt. I could feel my body going into shock, and despite it hurting like crazy I knew I had to get home to get it up. I limped home a couple of miles and have been in resting and icing mode all this week.

But on the walk home, and for the first couple of days, the upending of my planned training and the goals my mind has been concocting was brutal. Having that all yanked away in an instant just flipped my mind upside down from what it had been doing for the past couple of months. I had been building and making progress. And now everything was up in the air and uncertain. At first I was not sure if it was bad enough that I should go to the hospital and I thought the year of work on getting fit again was just all out the window. This week has been good though. Lots of elevating my foot and icing seems to have done wonders. Riding the stationary bike was also painless so I was able to get some cardio workouts in which hopefully will prevent too much loss of capacity.

I think in the past I would have been much more devastated, as if the injury were the end of the world. But life is much different now. I got to put my foot up and my kid brought me blankets and stuffed animals to feel better. And not being able to do some of the training I want is less of a letdown because I still get to spend time with my family and that brings so much joy as well. I also don't think the hobby is as important as it was before. Sure I may not get to run hard for a couple of weeks, but none of us have to look that far for lives that have been upended far worse, and people that have lost much more in an instant in recent times.

So I am healing up well, which is a pleasant surprise. But I am also not that dejected and am still happy despite having hit a pretty bad pothole in the process. This is the better surprise, and it is definitely because the other things I have in my life provide the center for my happiness. It is not tied so strongly to accomplishment in narrowly defined arenas drawn by the partially irrational sense of glory, despite that still being a part of me. I hope to be back on my feet soon as my foot seems to be healing well, and still plan on doing the Kook and C-Bad 5000. But I am glad to have found I don't need to be on track to some great achievement to be settled.

Energy & Drive

Since deciding to dedicate more effort to squeezing some performance out this quadragenerian vessel, I have set a slightly more demanding load in place. I increased the volume by about 10-15% on what I was doing before and on my more challenging workouts I am pushing small margins over the effort I was putting out before. So this really only means a couple of extra total miles a week and maybe a 5 second per mile increase in speed over numbers I have been holding consistently for the last year or so. I also have been setting my alarm 25 minutes earlier and doing a yoga regimen focused on core mobility and strength.

I am just shy of three weeks in on this increased regimen and I think I am already feeling a bit strained. It is hard to tell if it is the additional workload, however, because this lat month has also been very busy. With holiday parties, events, decorating, gifting, and general merriment . . . we have been pretty busy. That and a new role in my job has meant everything non-exercise related is extra busy as well. Needless to say, I am tired. This morning I got up early for my long run which I have been pretty excited about the past couple of months because of good progress I have been seeing on those. Despite a fine double espresso, I had that old familiar feeling/though that "I don't want to do this." Mostly just because I was tired and I kind of felt like I was dragging myself out the door.

Nonetheless, the run went well and I am glad I went and did it. But it was definitely noteworthy that this is the first time I have felt that way pre-workout in a long time. I have also been generally tired and although it is not making me non-functional, it is more tired than I want to be in my actual day to day life. I know it is early in the game with the increased workload and this month is much busier than others. So I am hopeful that the increase in tiredness and dip in motivation is not a sign that the additional training is too much for me to handle.

I think this level of drain is probably a bit beyond what I would prefer. So, if my energy levels don't normalize after the holiday craziness dies down and I have a couple of blocks on the new regimen, I may reconsider whether it is worth it. Since I want to make sure I have enough energy to engage in and enjoy my real life, it is not worth it to me to be overcooked form training all the time. I guess this is an element of the process I will just have to pay attention to.

Back at It

Although I regularly joke about being "retired" from endurance sports, apparently there may always be a part of me that just craves the burn. After a couple of years of limited activity during law school and while getting off the ground in my career, I fell into a decent routine of regular weekly workouts again which brought back some decent fitness. With it came the ever-creeping thoughts about goals and glory: "I should really try to [this or that]." "Maybe if I add a bit of [this or that] I can get to [insert performance aspiration]." But life has also changed in the eight (IS THAT RIGHT?!) years since I stepped away from professional racing.

With a young family and a both of us working busy, full-time jobs there is little time in a given day for hobbies. Also, wanting to spend as much time as much time with family as possible, I definitely feel like athletic goals should remain just that, a hobby. So I guess the question becomes, once again, what is the right balance of the time and energy spent on athletic endeavors to be able to remain present in my family as much as I want to while also developing as a professional in my field.

I figured I would start writing again because that always seems helpful in flushing out the answer, or at least bringing clarity to the process in these sorts of things. It became apparent that this might be useful because I actually had some big athletic successes this year but did not get much of a sense of accomplishment from them. In May I finally did my first run to the summit of Mt. Diablo from my childhood home. This has been something I have been wanting to try for quite some time and it really was quite the adventure. I started before dawn and summited above the fog without seeing anyone along the way. The upper slopes were majestic in the early morning with the air still and quiet while the sun backlit the summit rising over the central valley.

It was a great run, and I had some other good, big runs throughout the year which made me think I should take a crack at some of the Dirt Dog Cross Country Series races. The increased consistency and some bigger base runs, I thought, might give me a strong foundation to put up decent times at these shorter events.

I ended up racing three events in the series, and performing pretty well for my average weekly volume. A few weeks out of the year we go on vacation and I am able to get in 40 to 50 miles a week sometimes. But my usual routine involves short interval workouts of about 5 miles at lunch M/W/F, an easy treadmill jog at the office T/Th, and a longer easier run on Sundays of 10 to 12 miles. So an average week is probably around 30 miles of running (plus a swim on Saturday morning). This is a great regular routine, and I am definitely healthier and fitter than I have been since I quit racing. However, at the cross country races the lead masters (40+) runners have an extra 5-10% on me and I just can't hang. Even though I am running good times, which are probably only 10 seconds per mile off what I could have run at my fittest, it is still disappointing not to be able to contend. This also seems silly, given that IT IS A HOBBY, and I am able to perform at a level most people would be very happy with. But such is my brain.

After Dirt Dog, I channeled the race-fitness to one last block and focused on the Encinitas Turkey Trot 10k. This is a spectacular event with thousands of people, many in costume, turning out on Thanksgiving morning for a fun run on the PCH. I felt good in the lead up, and toed the line tuned up to go fast. Just like the Dirt Dogs, by the end of the first mile there was a small lead group of 7 or 8 about 15 seconds up the road and I was in no-man's-land time trialing alone. That group just slowly pushed away and I ran most of the race alone. This is what I am used to and I have my numbers dialed well enough to be able to just follow what my watch is saying to stay on the rivet without blowing my stack. Without people to push with I probably left something on the table in miles 4 and 5, but came home strong and finished in about 35:26. This is a big post-law school, post-covid PR, but far off my personal best.

Again, I did not feel much in the way of accomplishment, which I should. I have worked really hard to get healthy and fit again, and my Dirt Dog races and this result showed great progress. But something about being just out of contention bothers me. I think I also have a taste of progress again which is enticing my old self to think big things. I don't want to get into a cycle of doing more and more, then not feeling like it is enough no matter how well I do. But it is nice to have goals that are just for me and just for fun again. I have also plugged back into some old friends through the events and the process which has been really nice. We all got a fair bit of isolation during the pandemic, and the bustle of life the past couple of years has also meant there just is not as much time to catch up with friends and go to events.

I don't want to set any big goals and I don't plan to go to any major events. I am glad that we live in a place where there are things you can do close to home throughout the year so it does not take much time away. But I do want to see if I can't produce some good performances with a bit more training where I can squeak it in. So I am writing again to create some accountability in my process of seeking while also staying grounded.

The New Normal

The one thing my wife and I kept finding ourselves saying throughout her pregnancy and for baby's first year was "WOW! Well this is weird..." Little did we know that life was going to get even stranger this year. The pandemic obviously has changed every part of normal life in some way or another, but then again so has being a parent. So learning to be nimble and flexible has been a big theme lately.

Three and a half years of preparation for the California bar exam left me in pretty terrible shape, at least by my unnaturally inflated standards. It has been a bit of a haul getting back into shape with the the bustle of a new career and new baby, but this year I was hoping to get fit and do some events for fun. Unfortunately, there are no events this year...but when I came up with some alternatives that I really enjoyed. I got a Finish Line Productions email about some Santa Cruz events going virtual I thought that would be a fun goal to shoot for.

The Santa Cruz Firecracker 5k & 10k also seemed like a good place to start back because the distances are relatively familiar and manageable to go it alone. So I signed up and set about planning routes and prepping with targeted workouts. Since the Carlsbad 5000 was canceled, and that was going to be my first event for a while, I used its course as a template for a nice flat course. The Firecracker set up a 14 day window to complete your event so I planned on doing the 5k on July 4 and then the 10k as a double loop on July 11 — back to back Saturdays.

The 5 K

Training had been pretty consistent for a couple of months, and my heart rate data indicated I could rely pretty well on a targeted threshold for these distances. So despite not having anyone to run with I had my watch and a couple of BPM bookends to keep me honest. I got a very early start and it was nice and overcast but very humid. It was strange getting warmed up for a race where there is no race going on, and the strange looks from people out trying to get the good spots on the beach for the Fourth while I ran by full speed made me feel a bit awkward. But it was worth it to put some decent work to the test.

Overall, I was pretty pleased with the effort and the outcome. My lungs were having a bit of trouble keeping up with my legs, but that is a good sign and afterward I was definitely looking forward to trying to stretch the effort to a longer distance.

The 10 K

I was pretty pleased with my 5k numbers and felt confident about taking a little off the top and being able to repeat a similar strong effort the following weekend at the longer distance. I took it pretty easy during the week and just tried to keep the my legs and lungs stimulated and fresh. Our daughter was not feeling well this week and things were just not flowing generally, so by the time Saturday rolled around I was feeling pretty flat. But I went out under my normal routine and just id my best to stay up in the target zones I was looking for and ignore the feeling that my body was made of refried beans.

Despite not feeling great, it was a decent output for running alone. I definitely think that on a good day with the fitness I have now I could probably run around a minute faster, so I am definitely pleased with it.

It has been nice to have some goals to work toward, especially without having the ability to train with others. This is such a strange time, but I feel luckier than ever to have the support of family and everything that makes our lives manageable despite the present state of things. We are certainly privileged to have the life we do and it is hard to be disappointed with things that don't work out perfectly when you know how hard many of your fellows have it.

Onward.

USATF-SD Cross Country Champs 8K

This week was the finals of the Dirt Dog Cross Country Series! The race was at Mission Bay on a grassy, rolling four-loop course and field was fired up. A lot of the guys I have been running with turned it up a notch for the finals so I quickly found myself picking along at my own pace. I went a little outside my limit at the last race, so this time I forced myself to stay within the heart rate zone I set out before hand. The last couple of months I have not been getting in much real training, and the race definitely felt more sluggish than even a couple of weeks ago. Nonetheless, the overall time was not bad, and I am really happy just to have completed the series while school has been going on. Time for a bit of a break from racing while I focus on finals. There is a spring road series that we are looking at, so hopefully there will be more to come in the new year!

Cuyamaca College 6k

Balboa Boogie 5k

Another fun classic this weekend! Apparently my dad ran this course when he was in high school! Thankfully the fog stayed in until the race was over, so the conditions were nice. It was a fast field and I stayed on my toes the whole way. Nothing major to report, but I am happy with the effort and to put up a decent, consistent time.

A tale of two 8ks...

The last month has been pretty hectic getting back into the swing of school, and getting organized for all the projects that I have going on this semester. I have been getting out for a couple of short runs each week though so I am not feeling as awful as I did last year. The cross country series has been great motivation to keep up some workouts, and maintain some decent fitness. The last pair of races were three weeks apart, and each one was an 8k. Both had comparable profiles, and the main difference in terms of conditions was the weather.

This weekend Santa Ana conditions settled in and the air dried out severely, the temperature jumped 10-15 degrees, and the later start in the second race meant heat was a substantial element to contest with. On balance, the numbers did not slip off too much this month and my performance at the Cougar challenge mirrored that from the Bonita 8k several weeks ago, so I am very happy with that. Somehow the semester is flying by and it feels good to know that I am not letting my body deteriorate into an equal composition of coffee and cookies like last year. There are only two more events in the series and I am proud of myself for sticking to it.

Balboa Park 4 Miler

Saturday was the Balboa Park 4 Miler, the second in the Dirt Dog Series and a long standing XC classic. There is a hurricane pushing up through Baja so the it has been humid and hot, and even in the early morning the conditions were tough. The course is a fun round-about looping course on the west end of the park, and has some really punchy hills in it. The field was a lot faster than the first race and I went with a few faster guys for the first mile and then just tried to stay controlled on the hills. I finished up around the same group that I was with at the first race and kept my HR under control, so I am pretty happy with the day. My core temperature has still not settled down but it was a good hard course and I am glad to be in decent fitness with school starting up in a couple days. I hope I can keep it up!

Rae Lakes Loop - August 2017

Rae Lakes Loop is about 45 miles and gains 7,000+ feet along the way. My friend Josh and I did it clockwise in four days, with one night at Castle Domes Meadow, one night at Rae Lakes, and the last night at East Lake. The scenery is unbelievable, and we bumped into some bears along the way too. Here are some of the highlights.

Crescent Meadow, Giant Forest - Sequoia NP

Castle Domes Meadow, Rae Lakes Loop - Kings Canyon NP

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Rae Lakes, Looking South - Kings Canyon NP

Rae Lakes, Looking North - Kings Canyon NP

Camping under the Painted Lady

East Lake - Kings Canyon NP

Wild Duck 5k 2017 - Race Report

Hello All!!! I'M BACK!!! But not really...

When I finished up racing, almost two years ago, I promised myself some serious time off to give my body a rest and clear my mind of the competitive fervor that had saturated it for so long. I planned on giving my self at least two years off and next month will have been just that. The time off has been great, but with how consumed my life has been with school last year my complete lack of fitness passed the range of healthy rest and moved on into sedentary discomfort. I definitely noticed that my energy, concentration, and well-being were suffering from lack of exercise. This summer has been a welcome change, and we have been able to get in tons of hiking and running all over the place.

Having built up some decent fitness, and done some speed work with the speedster girls of Prado Racing Team, I decided to give my legs and lungs a little test to see where I was at, and if I could enjoy a fun little local race. San Diego has a great informal cross country series called the Dirt Dog which are all close by, short, and cheap to boot! The Wild Duck 5k is the first one of the season, and my wife's team races the whole series, so I decided to tag along.

I jogged the course in reverse to warm up while cheering for the masters race, and did some strides to get my lungs and heart heated up. I had no idea how my system or my legs would respond to a full-gas effort after so much time off. The line up was amazing with almost 100 high school and junior high school athletes in the back and about 50 open age groupers up front. I set some heart rate restrictions for my self based on my old numbers less 5% to make sure I didn't blow my doors off at the start.

The mass start was great, and lots of young kids went out super fast. The first mile was slightly up hill so I cruised along behind the first few groups just watching my HR and staying under control. The second mile was a slight downhill so once we crested the top I let my legs open up and ran on feeling. I got together with a young high school kid and a super fast PRT girl that were setting a great pace. At 2.5 miles they both dropped me by a number of yards on the last small hill, but that left me with great incentive to push hard the last half mile downhill. I finished in about 17:55 which is about 5:45/mile and my HR average was 182-bpm which is not far off what my old numbers would have dictated.

I am very happy that the race went so well and to be able to go hard without it totally destroying me. Beforehand I was really worried that it was going to feel awful, I wouldn't enjoy it, and I would still have a really long way to go before being able to do fun fast stuff again. There was an awesome chocolate fountain at the expo, and tons of fun give-away items. These races have a great atmosphere, are filled with fun people, and are so accessible. I hope to try to maintain enough activity this next year to hit a few more in the series so that I have a goal to stay motivated to work out during school.

It is great to be back enjoying exercise and hard efforts again. By the time school was out, I was getting out of breath walking up stairs and cramps in my stomach from lack of muscle tone. Sitting in chairs all day, leaning over thousand-paged books, and surviving off of coffee and cookies does not lend itself to thriving physically...or mentally. I am so glad to have had such a wonderful summer and to be feeling healthy again.

1/2 Mile to Go Charging Grimace PC- Maureen Friend

We will see if I can keep it up when school really gets going again but for now it is a good goal and hopefully will make this year better than the last.

Seasons End & New Beginnings

With the feeling of fall finally creeping into the air this week, it is hard to believe another year is coming to an end. This season is wrapping up for me in a somewhat disappointing but not altogether surprising way. This years trend seems to have been a struggle between remaining hopeful that I would get training back on track, and pull from other areas of my life shifting me away from racing. I had some decent races this year but never felt really motivated or driven; I seldom felt the hunger of competitive spirit spurring me on in training or races. With a lot of other things changing in my life, triathlon often took a back seat. Though I have loved and gotten so much out of the sport for so long, something has changed and whether I like it or not I am moving on.

I was talking with a good friend at the pool the other day as I floated back and forth listlessly. Being young and enthusiastic, he kept saying how I just needed some time off and that it was too much a part of who I am for me to just walk away. I will always enjoy athletic events and some level of competition but the commitment of time, energy and money it takes to competitive is just not what I want to do with my life any more. One of the things that I am certain of is that racing is no longer 'enough' for me. There are so many other aspects to life and who I am as a person that even if I had been much more successful, as I once hoped I would be, I know that it still would not have been entirely fulfilling. In some ways I am disappointed with the results I produced this year but that seems to be short lived and it doesn't leave me wanting to train harder or recommit. My body does not have the snap it once did and my spirit just doesn't hold the stubborn, self-flagellating attachment to the pursuit of my absolute physiological potential or that ultimate experience of a perfect race.

My interests have drifted on to new things and back to other things that I had set aside to have this time in my life to pursue my goals in this crazy sport. The people I have met and the strength I have drawn from them, the things I have learned and all the growth I have experienced in my life these past several years of racing will always be a part of who I am and for all of it I will be eternally grateful. I am so happy that I took the time to do it and I don't have any regrets.

The number of things that I want to do with my life is still so vast and I am really looking forward to delving into that list! I can not thank you all enough for being a part of this journey with me and making all of it possible! I got to see and do some incredible things and even though I fell short of some of my goals along the way, I feel fulfilled in the end result. All I ever wanted was to be able to take my shot at racing professionally and I got to do that...an experience I know a lot of people don't get the opportunity to have. It is and always will be very special to me and I am so glad that I had all of you along for the ride!

Zoot Sports

Finish Line Productions

Santa Cruz Masters
Tri California

Vineman

Vineman Full 2015

This year has been all about transition for me...no not working on getting out of my wetsuit or into my shoes faster...but adjusting to lots of changes in my life, thinking about where I am going and looking at where I have been. A big part of that for me has been examining my relationship to triahtlon. How I feel about racing and what I am motivated to do with it has shifted a lot over the past several years of racing semi-pro and with my interests and career goals changing, my relationship to racing has come into grater focus. My focus for the year this year was to take one more shot at the longer distances, see how I felt and what I was getting out of it and I am so grateful to Vineman for being a big part of that. The full Vineman this year would be my second attempt at doing a full distance event and my goal this year was to do well and have the experience of completing it, but also to see if racing at my highest level was still my passion and what I wanted to put my time and energy into.

After several visits to the Russian River valley this year and a decent result at the Vineman 70.3 two weeks prior I was feeling pretty good about the full Vineman and very excited to take a crack at it. I knew that my volume this year had not been what it was in years past butI had been consistent and I hoped that efficiency could get me most of the way and experience could hold me up to the finish. Everything went well in the days leading up to the race and the day before I went down to the river to do an easy jog and a swim. The water was nice and warm and it felt great to get in after running a bit. I swam the course we would be doing for the race and stopped several times to float on my back and kick. It really is a majestic place, with the redwood forests overhanging the banks on either side and the river disappearing off into the hills in both directions, there were even a pair of huge blue heron that were gliding along the water surface and passed just over me as floated there. I felt very lucky to be able to do the the things I do and have these experiences.

The weather for race weekend was expected to be very nice with the high for the day at 85 and fog in the morning it would be perfect conditions for racing. The morning was actually a little chilly with thick fog that gave way to drizzle at times. All the race morning preparations went smoothly and there was even time to stop by the snack shack and get a warm beverage for my girlfriend who flew up to support me and got up at an ungodly hour to stand by the rivers edge to see me off on my adventure. I had several long time friends in the race and we swam a bit to loosen up and chatted about the day and how we felt. I was actually feeling pretty good and I was excited to see if I could pull off a good day. At the swim start we all lined up and with some strong guys in the group I knew it would be a fast and fun day.

As they counted down to the swim start I was thinking about how few nerves I had been experiencing leading up to the race and how calm I felt...I was grateful just to be towing the line and I hadn't been putting any pressure on myself for how I had to perform. Then we were off. John Dahlz, Yuta Sano and one other guy gapped the rest of us right from the start but I knew with how strong they were in the water, that was an inevitability so I took it easy for the first couple hundred yards, tried to stay out of the fray and waited to settle into a comfortable rhythm. The water was nice and warm and I was gad to have my sleeveless wetsuit on as I definitely would have been too warm in a full suit. I ended up alone after not too long and swam the entire way by myself with just the three guys up ahead. It was nice to be able to just enjoy the swim and even on the second loop I didn't start catching people until the turn around so I didn't have to navigate through any big groups of people at all. I felt good in the swim but the last half mile or so my shoulders and neck were definitely starting to fatigue.

I came out of the water alone and feeling good. I had posted a decent swim time for me and Dave Latourette, the announcer and all around awesome guy gave me some encouragement and let me know that the leaders were only a couple of minutes ahead. I got some sugar and some socks on and headed out of transition breathing slowly to make sure I didn't let my heart rate spike. I jumped on my bike and got into my shoes and just let my momentum slowly pick itself up as I rolled out River Road, the beautiful undulating boulevard that skirts the river for the length of the valley. Just before the turn onto Westside Road, I saw Yuta up ahead and when I cam up I patted him on the back and gave him some encouragement. Yuta is a really strong swimmer and great athlete but relatively new to the long distance triathlon experience and I let him know he was doing great and to just stick to his own pace and keep it up! About a mile later he re-passed me with a big smile on his face and said "I just wanted to be able to say I passed you :D" We had a laugh and I put my head down to get the routine going.

The fog was still thick and there was a cold light rain in some sections of the valley. I actually felt cold for about the first hour and had to blow on my hands for a bit but in a long day where you don't want to overheat or dehydrate being comfortably cool throughout the morning is welcome. I was keeping up a good pace and staying pretty dialed on my fueling schedule...my body felt good and I was really enjoying just doing my thing and taking in some scenery. The first thirty miles went by pretty quick and my energy was staying steady, hydration was going good as well. The sun came out after about an hour and a half and it actually felt good to dry out a bit and warm up. I went through the first lap on good time and the race crew let me know that it was about ten minutes to the leaders and six to ten to the next couple of guys. I got passed by the first person around mile 60 and that is when the fatigue was starting to creep in pretty good. The second lap was a lot harder than the first with a little wind picking up and the distance starting to accumulate I had to back the speed off a little to make sure I didn't go outside myself. I got passed by three more guys on the second lap but was definitely riding well for me and where I am at this year so finishing the bike feeling decent in just over five hours I was happy to still be within fifteen minutes of the leader.

I hit the second transition with one other young guy and my legs felt pretty stiff for the run to the bike racks but after getting my shoes on and picking up some gels for the hard road ahead they loosened up. I got out on the road and got focused on my watch to make sure I was keeping the early miles in my target zone. The young kid I went through transition with came up and was running really well...we ran together for about a half mile and chatted about who was up the road, what we both wanted to run and season goals and stuff. He was running about ten seconds per mile faster than I wanted to though so I told him great job and good luck and eased off to my planned tempo for the run.

I felt really good and was clipping the miles off at a good pace, keeping the fluid and sugar going in right on schedule and actually felt like I might end up with a great day. I high-fived and thanked the awesome volunteers at the aid stations who were doing an great job of getting us what we needed and keeping us motivated. I had a couple of minutes buffer to the guy in front of me and behind me and was feeling good all the way through the first lap. The first half of the second lap was a little tougher and I had to duck into a bathroom for a quick break but was still running really well and right on pace for what I had hoped. The second turn around was when I started to feel the fatigue really setting in. I knew that my running volume was a little short of what I needed to really run strong for the whole distance and I was grateful to be headed back downhill from there. At about mile fifteen my feet and hips really started to give out and I started walking an uphill section. My energy felt fine and I knew I had the calories and hydration going well but my body was not ready for the distance. I jogged on the downhill but just could not get my legs to get moving again. I got a lot of encouragement and gave a lot out too for everyone that I could but I knew my day was probably done. I thought that if I walked a few miles that I might be able to jog a few sections but I really did not want to walk for two hours to the finish.

I felt ok with it at that point. I really got the experience I wanted, racing well and hard at that distance and feeling what it was like deep into the marathon in the afternoon. Finishing well or finishing strong was something I hoped for but I am really glad to have been able to do just what I did. All in all I think that I did really well for what I trained to do and I just didn't do what was necessary to go the full distance. Eight and a half hours was what I was prepared for and I needed nine and a half. I walked in through the turn around on the second lap and got lots of encouragement and support but I knew my day was done. I found some shade and sat down to catch my breath and drink some cool water. I was glad to be done for the day and that I enjoyed the experience but more glad that I was in a place personally where I wasn't beating myself up about not finishing or not doing more to prepare. I think that my time racing triathlon competitively is probably nearing it's end and I am really glad to have come to a place where my relation to the sport, to competition and to myself are all healthy, that I am appreciative for what I have and what I get to experience. I am glad to have found my way to where feelings of anxiety, pressure, frustration, fighting and disappointment no longer have a place in sport for me and enjoyment is the main goal.

It has always been the case for me that I am way more impressed by the athlete that toughs out a really long day at big endurance events than the person who wins. The last hour at Kona has always been more inspiring than the hour where the winners and podium finishers come in. There were a lot of people out on the course at Vineman that were working away at this huge accomplishment...some walking or moving slowly along the bike course but the dedication and challenge is the same if not greater for some of them than for the faster athletes I imagine. I wasn't able to finish, partially by choice and partially because of lack of preparation and for me that kind of gets to the core of triathlon and why I originally got into it. If you want to accomplish something commitment, resolve, dedication, tenacity, sacrifice and inspiration area all involved in making that goal come true. The best part of being at a triathlon to me is that all of those strengths of the human spirit are getting a chance to be tested and played out in the name of adventure, enjoyment and mutual encouragement. To be a part of that has been, and I hope always will be, such a wonderful experience of self-exploration and affirmation that has brought so many amazing people into my life and given me the chance to have experiences I will always cherish.