Trust your Instruments

 I can't remember where I originally heart it, but there is a common adage in flying that came to mind this week: Trust your Instruments. Apparently there is a phenomenon that pilots sometimes experience where their body tells them something that is contrary to the actual physical state in the air. The original story I heard was something like it being common for new pilots to fly into fog and start making minor adjustments here and there then somehow come out to clear sky but they are upside down. There are instruments in planes that will tell you your orientation to the horizon, so this really shouldn't happen. But people get disoriented in the air and if they don't trust what the instruments are telling them, they can get in serious trouble. 

The last month has been quite the whirlwind. With travel, us all getting sick, the first week of school, and a slew of other things going on, I have been feeling very off. More than just a normal disruption of routine, this has been feeling like I was dislodged from an old life, like being a bit adrift. It has been very unsettling the past couple of weeks, but I am hoping once the school routine normalizes and this cough is finally gone I will return to my baseline. 

The first race of the USATF SD Dirt Dog Series was this weekend. With the fitness I developed through the Road Series, I was hoping to roll right into Dirt Dog and attack some of the local races I have done in the past. However, we brought home a nasty cold from traveling a couple of weeks back and I had been feeling terrible. With everything else piled on, I was not really looking forward to the first race anymore because I knew I would not be firing on all cylinders. But I am glad that I stuck with my normal pre-race routine and trusted the process. 

Each day this week I was feeling better, although the congestion and malaise was hanging tough. Nonetheless, I got out and did my race-week rest/stimulation runs. The numbers looked good despite the runs not feeling all that great and I tried to remind myself that you never really feel great when you are resting anyway. By race morning, I felt ok...still a bit groggy and coughing some, but not terrible. So I figured I would give it a go. 

I felt lethargic warming up as well, but sometimes that is the case before a race whether you are sick or not. So I did exactly what I usually do and tried to get everything revved up, warm and loose. It was good to see some friends at the start as well and the atmosphere of Dirt Dog is so positive I wasn't really worried about performance. I knew there would not be an PRs or anything so I planned on just staying within myself and seeing how things went. 

I went out much more gentle than my usual start and just stuck behind the leading guys to get up to speed. The first mile felt pretty good, with a group of three (Okwaro Raura, Chuck McKeown, and Glen Racz) slowly pulling out a bit of time but not too much. There are some small rolling hills at the Wild Duck CC race and I definitely did not have my usual pop up over those. The leaders would get five seconds or so on each hill, but I was not blowing up which seemed good. Even two miles in I still was within 20 seconds of the lead three, which felt good given I know I can only run with them when I am on a really good day. The third mile I could not hold on to the top end effort and the short hill part way through really slowed me down. But I have a lot of practice monitoring whether I am blowing the limit and I stayed within myself to finish out fairly even on pace. 

Given how terrible I was feeling the weeks leading up, I am very happy with the result. I went a bit faster than last year and the numbers all looked good considering. This is all very promising and I feel renewed motivation to dial things in for the series. It is good to have the computer onboard while racing to get immediate feedback on HR zone thresholds and pace, and to get the data after to confirm where things were optimal or could be improved on. And in a lot of races, it is essential for pacing to stay at the exact effort level your blood numbers can tolerate. But both in running and outside it, there are other measures that are critical too. 

In running, and other physical activities, perceived effort is sometimes just as important as percentage of numerical maximums or thresholds. Sometimes, perceived effort can tell you important things about other factors effecting performance: exhaustion reservoir, relative nutritional optimization, efficacy of rest benefits, etc. The hard part is that perceived effort can also deceive you. All swimmers know that you can have workouts that feel awful but where you are performing as well if not better than when things seem smooth and easy. It is a cruel trick. 

Like flying, those times when performance is equivalent or better but feels awful by comparison, you have to trust your instruments. Because your body is lying to you, you have to trust what the numbers are saying. However, there are things your body does tell you from time to time that you have to listen to, and aren't the product of some disorientation. So, I like the adage Trust your Instruments, outside the flight context, maybe can be stretched a bit. 

I certainly have strategies I employ to monitor my baseline in training but also in life, and they are definitely subjective rather than mechanical. I am sure we all do...when things are not right, you just know. There are some obvious indicators, but sometimes things are just off and there is nothing you can identify specifically, but you still know. Other times, lots of things are off and it is hard to tie any specific one to things that are going wrong. 

I strive to be as healthy as I can and take care of myself to keep my spirits up. And in the past few years, I think I have found a good baseline. But the last couple of weeks, I have felt dislodged. There is no compass for this kind of thing, but I am hopeful the baseline I set will return things to normal if I stick to the things that have worked. It is hard to be motivated to do the things you need to when the swirl of goings on drag you hard against your anchor rode. Especially when the things that usually work seem to not do the trick. But time with my family fills me back up. And showing up even when things are not optimal to support the goals I set for myself will hopefully continue to flush the engine room. 

A Season

     When I started up with this blog again, it was because I wanted to keep centered with any investments I was making in my athletic aspirations.  I have definitely found that it is helpful, but I think I may be in a very different place in my relationship with athletics than I have been before.  As I have talked about, I worry about being over-invested in any big goals because I don't want any goals to take away from time with family.  But I think I also was too hard on myself in the past when I was racing full time, and that made me overly fearful of losing perspective.  When I was racing, it was a much bigger part of my life.  And because of that, I think I lived and died with my progress and performance to a much greater degree.  Now, because it is a hobby, and I have lots of other stuff in my life that is more important, I don't feel all that worried about everything going perfectly.  Interestingly, this may be helping with my performance. 

    I really got the bug again while racing Dirt Dog last year.  I had some good results and thought with more consistent, targeted and efficient training I could put up some good numbers again.  Those tweaks really paid off, and with a PR in the 5k at Carlsbad 5000 and a strong run at the Kook, I was feeling very good about my fitness.  One of the lofty goals I had in the back of my head was to take a shot at the USATF LDR Road Series for San Diego.  I knew I couldn't do the whole series, but only three races score and I had a first and a second at the 5000 and Kook respectively in my age group.  I set about refining and squeezing the most out of my regular weekly routine for a couple of months to target the Scripps Ranch Old Pros 10K on the 4th of July.  This was the last race of the series, and with a flatter course I knew I might be able to hang with some of the faster masters runners if I had a stellar day. 

    Training went smoothly leading up to the race and my legs were feeling good the whole week before.  My father-in-law tagged along race morning which was a huge help to have someone at the ready with water and fuel to get topped off before the race.  This event was much bigger than I realized with a few thousand toeing the line, and a lot of really fast runners.  This is always good because the more people you have to draft off of or chase, the easier it is to keep motivated when it gets tough.  

    I did not set any time goals for the race. I knew that the series rankings really only depended on how I stacked up against the other leaders Chuck McKeown and Yari Fontebasso.  I found them at the front of the starting group and slotted in.  All the PRT team members are super friendly and I have had a great time chasing them in these events the past year.  Chuck gave some words of encouragement in his usual ultra-positive spirit.  I know, on a good day, I cannot beat Chuck or Yari in a head to head 10K and I would have to conserve energy and they would have to have off days for me to beat them...so that was the plan. 

    When the gun went off there was a wave of fast men immediately well ahead.  Many of them would run well faster than me so I just focused on staying within myself and keeping an eye on the PRT men.  After about a half mile, things shook out a bit and I slotted in behind a group that was running just under 5:30 pace because I knew, based on training numbers, that would be the absolute maximum average I could pull off.  I could see Chuck just tagging onto the group ahead of us...less than 30 seconds ahead, so still in reach.  We clipped through mile two in 5:22 which was probably outside my threshold, but overall I felt like I was hanging on.  

    In mile 3, things started to change.  It was overcast, but warm and humid, and I was already feeling pretty hot.  I think others were too and some people began to fade while others were able to keep on with the pace.  Through mile 3, Chuck started to fade and later he told me that he had not been feeling well lately.  By mile 4 I had passed him and had a sizeable gap.  However, somewhere in mile 4, my lack of base started to catch up with me.  The 10K is a very hard distance.  It is just too long to hammer unless you have regular 50 to 60 mile weeks under your belt.  I am not able to get those kinds of miles in, and in mile 4 is where that reality hit.  I really started to feel the effort, and my heart rate was pinned to the ceiling.  I did my best to focus on trailing along behind the people that I had been pacing off of up to that point.  However, most of them slowly started pulling away.

    The Old Pros course winds around Lake Miramar and is a beautiful course skirting the water almost the whole way.  The bends around the inlets also provide a good vantage for checking where others are at.  Around mile 5 I glanced over and it looked like I still had about 30 seconds on Chuck which provided some motivation to just hang on at my limit as long as possible.  Mile 5 was a 5:51 and I was on my limit the whole way.  The last mile or so comes off the lake and heads down through the neighborhoods to a small park nearby.  The downhill lets some of the effort off, but the effort had weighed my legs down and I was not able to let my legs open up to gravity.  I was really just hanging on.  Chuck and Yari got a lot of time on me in the last mile and a half but somehow I held them off...Yari finishing only 3 seconds behind me and Chuck just another 5.  

    It was a great result.  Despite struggling the last 2 miles and change, the overall average was down to 5:36 per mile.  This is a big improvement on the numbers I have put up since I started training again.  With the win in my age group (Masters 40-45) it also meant that Chuck and I were tied for the win in the Road Series.  Maybe it was the full Chemex I had with breakfast, but I was so amped.  I put in a lot of hard work in the last year and it is very exciting to see the results.

    I had a nice cool down and headed out quickly, because I was catching a flight later in the day to Northern California.  My family had left the day before and I couldn't wait to catch up with them.  I grew up in the east Bay Area and my sister was out from the east coast with her family as well.  It is rare that we all get to spend time together and I was really looking forward to it.  We had a very fun weekend.  The temperature was in the 100s almost every day, but we ran around in the sprinklers to stay cool and spent time in air conditioned spaces. 

    Outside performance, there are several adventures that I constantly crave.  Charging up mountains is the main one.  Whenever I am back home, Mount Diablo is the destination that calls me.  I had been hoping my legs would recover from the 10K and there would be time and weather allowing a traverse up to the summit.  On Sunday, I got up at 4:30 a.m. and stuffed down some breakfast and coffee to get ahead of the heat.  

    The route to the summit is almost a straight shot up a steep valley flanked by windswept sandstone and overhanging with oak trees to the base of the mountain.  Then it starts to rise on Barbeque Terrace gaining nearly 4,000 feet in a couple of miles.  It was already in the 70s before 6:00 a.m. and dry and I went through almost 2 liters of water by the time I got to the summit.  

    It was a beautiful morning, and the early start allowed me to stay in the shade of the mountain the whole way up.  My legs felt great and it was exhilarating to scale the mountain feeling powerful, then to rest comfortable at the summit to look down over most of sleepy northern California.  Like a raptor slinging to aloft off of a friendly thermal.  

    Two great days of running in a week and I definitely needed some rest.  But I have finally established the base for some goals I am excited about.  Nothing I am doing is groundbreaking, and of course I will not ever be as strong as I once was.  But I am having fun.  And I think having the hobby to work on and foals to look forward to has been keeping me healthy, energetic and balanced.  This has been the real goal and I hope I can keep it up. 

A Tough Week but a PR

There are a lot of things that I have accomplished by acknowledging that my body or my mind were at their limit, but telling myself to just do the best I could anyway. This week was a good example of that phenomenon. 

I put in some really good, consistent training in the last month, with some sessions well better than I have performed in years. I was definitely tired but still making gains and hitting my targets in each session. Given how well the Kook went, I was really looking forward to putting the progress to the test at our local race, The Carlsbad 5000. But two weeks ago, on my last long run before the race, I got an awful flare-up pain in the outside of my left knee. It was a very odd pain that felt like it was right under the skin about an inch and a half above the joint and did not seem to be connected to any muscle tightness. I had to stop and walk a couple of times that day because I would be running fine, then all of a sudden it would feel like someone was stabbing me in the side of the knee. 

I did some soft tissue work on my calf and hamstring that night and it completely went away by the next day. Then again, last Sunday it roared back with a vengeance and I had to limp home. With a week to go and having worked through it before I was not worried, but this time it lingered. One day I wouldn't feel a thing, then the next I would suddenly get the stabbing out of no where. I did not know what to think, but I was very dejected because I knew I was fit and could put in a good 5k given the chance. I stuck to my race week routine as best I could and worked every leg muscle I could find that felt even slightly abnormal with every trick I knew. 

By race eve, it was still tight and I really was not sure if I was going to be able to run. But I decided I would stick to the routine and if pre-race warmups indicated I should wave-off I would just go to swim practice instead. 

Flame woke me up early, about 4:00 a.m. the next morning so I got my headphones on and turned up Jazz 88 for some good feels. Flame and I rolled around on the living room floor for about an hour with the foam rollers and through a progression of mobility yoga to make sure everything was as warm and loose as possible. My leg felt a bit tight, but ok so I loaded up the car and headed out to the race. I stuck to my normal warm-up routine but broke it up, only running a mile at a time and did lots of stretching and openers. It hurt a bit but I just walked when I needed and let it calm down. Sprints felt ok, so I knew I would at least tow the line and hope the Sermon rocket fuel would carry me through. 

The start line was jammed and everyone was amped to the teeth which was really electric. The Carlsbad 5000 is such a cool event and all the participants and crowd really make it exhilarating. My race plan was to hit the gas and shoot for 5:20 pace the first mile (assuming no excess of 178 BPM) then just try to hold on. When the gun went off there were a lot of people surging the line and I blasted the first 100m to get free and with the lead men. At a quarter mile I was in about 5th and I knew at least a couple of the guys in the field that should be ahead of me. I could not see Chuck McKeown, the rockstar Masters runner from PRT, so I knew I was a bit over-paced so I let the legs run out a bit to see how things were shaking out. 

A few guys went by before Mile 1, including Chuck, and some of them were familiar from other events. I was happy to be feeling pretty good and be close to this group around Mile 1, which I went through at 5:04. I saw the time and checked my watch, but I was still right in my zone so I started focusing on who to hang with. One or two guys passed me that had slowly pulled away at the Kook and I decided to go with them. One was on a really good pace and I stuck to his ocean-side shoulder like glue all the way to the turn around which gave me a good draft and a sustainable pace. We hit the turn-around and Chuck and the others were still within 100m or so which was great motivation. I have never been able to hang with these guys and my numbers were holding steady. 

We knocked through Mile 2 in 10:25, so 5:13 for the second mile which is very fast for me. The new course adds a slight rise for about a quarter mile or so right after you pass Mile 2. It is a very familiar road and once you are in the last mile of a 5k, you are close enough that you can just hang on to finish usually. Usually I base riser pace off HR to avoid blowing up, but I was in good position so I put my head down and focused on Chuck just up the road, trying to match pace. It was brutal but after the hill rolled off, my legs started to turn over again and visually it looked like some of the others were starting to come back to me. I pushed and kept moving up. I caught Chuck with about half a mile to go and put the gas pedal down because I know how strong he and the other guys around me were. 

I was able to slowly accelerate all the way to the line and came through at 16:24. A 5k PR!

I was destroyed...but very happy with the result. Once I could get up off the ground, I got moving, grabbed some water and got back to my car to get warm cloths on to keep my muscles from tensing up. Warming down was a bit painful, and my knee felt like it might seize a couple of times, but I walked and stretched as much as needed and it was ok. 

I am very glad I towed the line and it is really fun to see the results of all the consistent work. The anticipatory dejection I was shouldering all week was not fun, but things turned out well in the end. A lot of things have gone that way and every time they do I am glad that I did my best despite my mind howling "WHATS EVEN THE POINT!" 

I am going to take it very easy for at least a week and make sure the leg thing is fully rested and recovered because I have nothing in the queue just yet. But I am definitely encouraged by the result and more excited than ever to be setting goals. 

A Good One

     I did the Cardiff Kook Run on February 11th and actually had a good run and was happy with it! I was unsure what to expect and what to plan for because of the ankle sprain. However, it did not seem to hold me back during the event and I definitely got some improvement out of the work I did in December before the sprain, as well as the 10 days of regular-ish training I got in after the sprain in late January and early February. I actually had some of the best workouts I have done since I started working out again in that period and I was feeling hopeful going into the Kook. 

    I followed my regular pre-event routine the week leading up to the Kook and 90% of the tenderness that was left in my ankle had subsided by day of. There seems to be a bit of tightness in the tendons or muscles in the front/side of my lower leg still. These will fire sometimes, usually when I am going downhill, and only until my legs get warmed up. I felt a few twinges during my warm-up for the Kook as well but they subsided after I did some uphill strides. The air also warmed up a bit just before the event which I was thankful for because the overnight low was in the forties and that can cause things like this to tighten up quickly. I kept moving and did short strides right up to the start to make sure everything stayed loose. 

    There was a pretty good showing for the Kook, but somehow most of the good masters and club runners managed to get into the pro wave so the starting line was devoid of familiar faces. There were plenty of young fast guys though. When the gun went off, about four guys got a gap in the first half mile or so and really just went away after that. But there were a string of runners spaced out behind them that I was able to tuck in with for the first two and a half miles or so that really helped keep things rolling. The air had also dried out quite a bit and I took sips of water at both mile 2 and mile 4 because my mouth had dried out. 

    The Kook had a course change this year, which I actually liked. The course was straight out and back with no laps. It was nice not to have to do all the 180s and mix in with a bunch of other runners on the second lap. However, this also meant that it went all the way down to the beach from Encinitas, so mile 4 climbed from Cardiff back up to Swamis. It is not a huge hill, but the fifth mile in a 10k is tough enough already. 

    Thankfully I had just been passed so I had someone just ahead to focus on chasing which helped. I think I have also gotten a really good hold on perceived effort so I can usually hit hills from a flat and not blow my stack because I can mentally titrate my threshold. I rolled over the hill at Swamis and the splits indicate that I picked back up to a great speed for the last mile to finish strong. 

    My time was 35:07 which is a post law school PR for me, and twenty seconds faster than the Turkey Trot from last November (on a hillier course). This is a great result, and it is one of the few times that I have been pleased with the result after the fact. Its no world record, but it reflects improvement from the hard work I have put in. It is also within striking distance of some of my times from my previous life which is very exciting!

    I was second overall in the 40-45 division, which scores 90 points in the USATF SD road series and puts me in second so far. I was already planning on doing the Carlsbad 5000 in April which is also part of the series, but now I am definitely more excited to see if the progress at 10k will translate to a good 5k there. The focus will be on rest this week, then a bit of volume and a funnel down to target speed work before Carlsbad. 

    Afterward, I smashed a breakfast burrito like it was the olden days and we took the train to see Bluey's Big Play at the Balboa theatre. What a day! 

Purpose & Process

    One mental knee-jerk I know lots of athletes hear in their heads from time to time is: "Whats the point?!" When a race goes poorly after tons of preparation, or nothing is clicking in training for months on end, or if it just has not seemed "fun" for longer than you can remember. I certainly heard that familiar exasperation two weeks ago when I wrenched my ankle. I had been putting in good work and thought in the moment it was all down the drain. 

    Setting aside the obvious catastrophizing of setbacks and non-perfects that this lash out often represents—its a valid question. What is the point? For great elite athletes, a class I never achieved, the point is partly that it is your profession. Like any other job or career the work either earns or invests in payoffs that are your livelihood. Most athletes though really enjoy their sport. Some people don't enjoy physical exertion but most at least enjoy being outdoors, a good workout, or the satisfaction of accomplishing something. Many of us, elite or amateur, also have some kind of goal that we are working towards and that provides motivation and excitement about the process. 

    For me, "what's the point" usually visits when something happens that feels like it has snatched away the goal I have in my head or made it feel unattainable. So when I wrenched my ankle, "whats the point" was both asking about the work I had put in but also the goals I had set for myself. For example, "whats the point" of shooting for a good result at events this year if it can just be snatched away in an instant? When I was younger, I think this reaction jerked more often when I had bigger athletic goals and even smaller disappointments like a bad workout might have me frustrated and questioning my choices. But I have also always had another thread raising the issue of purpose separate from achievement. 

    I have been consuming a lot of war poetry lately (which likely holds a tie for my favorite genre with natural observation of spirits like Mary Oliver). Classics spinning hyperbolic frenzy around the thirst for battle and glory, contemporaries zooming in to inject the visceral reality into your veins or hold the space to recognize the valor but acknowledge the folly. I have a line of warriors in my family, but it was never my calling. I do, however, feel some constant tug towards contributions to a greater good. So my mind also questions often whether I am serving a higher purpose . . . making the world a better place than I found it. I rarely felt I was with athletics. However, later on in my racing career I did feel like I was helping other achieve goals from time to time which was gratifying. But it was hard to justify the pursuit internally because I knew it was not going to change much in the world for the better. 

    So training still has this stigma, as it were, in my head. It is self-indulgent to some extent. When I was younger I had a lot more trouble giving myself permission to do things I enjoyed. But that has changed a lot over the years. I feel less now that I have to justify the things I like doing and allow myself to enjoy them more. With how busy life has been over the past eight or so years, this has been key. It is good to have a hobby with daily, weekly, and monthly goals and processes. It gives me things to look forward to and something to focus on if I need respite from other things. Additionally, in the long term, I really want to remain as healthy as possible for as long as possible because I so look forward to the future my family is building. 

    My foot is healing up much better than I expected. But in the past two weeks I found that the habits I have developed over the past couple of years of exercising regularly really helped get me over the dejection. Usually something like the sprain would have had me out moping and not doing anything for weeks. But this time I stuck to the icing and elevation, and set up my stationary bike so I could at least keep up my normal schedule of activity. I told myself that I would let the February and April events go if I was not healed up, and I still will. But I kept up the work with what I could do on the stationary and at the end of this week got a couple of runs in that showed promise that my aerobic numbers have not dropped off too much. 

    So maybe I can shoot for my original December goals in the next couple of months or maybe not. But I enjoyed the challenge of finding different ways to maintain what I had built up, and I really enjoyed being able to get some hard aerobic work in on the bike. The affirmation though is that I have established a life and a routine that I enjoy. The process being something that means as much to me as any accomplishment at this stage in my life. I may not be doing something monumental or legendary but it is good to me so maybe that is enough.