This was a very difficult week for several reasons. First off, walking the thin line of doing enough to stimulate recovery while not doing too much is always less than enjoyable. Secondly, after a couple of days the disappointment of another big race come and gone with out a decent result set in.
This is a common slump for me the week after a race. When so much has gone into an event and nothing comes out of it that is tangible, but then I have to go back to reality where I am too wrecked to function properly. So it ends up being a week of questioning why I am sacrificing so much for something that is going no where, that takes all my time/money/energy and will never be regarded as my profession.
I think the toughest part is that in my heart of hearts I still don't believe what I am doing, as far as being a profession, is a respectable pursuit. Even at times when I am most proud of what I am doing, if I am talking to someone about it I feel like I have to qualify it as something that I am doing 'right now' or 'while I can.' The hard part durring weeks like this is that with each big race I hope I will have that one great result that is indicative of how much work I have put into this and what I am capable of doing. I feel like I need validation of that sort because up until now triathlon has just been a really expensive hobby. When it doesn't come I feel more and more so as if it never will. The more time goes by, the more I worry that I will find myself on the other side of this thing having to start from scratch with nothing to show for it.
My fear shows me this person that is almost forty, broke and still working part-time jobs, unable to afford health insurance or a car, whose spirit is completely broken by years of chasing a dream that was always one step out of reach. I see myself as too old to start fresh and there being nothing left im my future but desperate subsistance never having achieved that which I sought...forever unfulfilled.
So yeah it was a tough week, but life waits for no man and you can either do something or do nothing so I did what I could.
Swim 12,500 yds
Bike 9 hrs
Run 13 mi
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